the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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