I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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