no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
