booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
