hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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