and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
