so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
