Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
