I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
