Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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