not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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