I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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