Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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