Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
