I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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