well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
