Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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