I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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