you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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