i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
