just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
