You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
