Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
