I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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