note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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