You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
