Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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