I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
