Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
