She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
