My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
