The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
