I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
