new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The best revenge is premature balding
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
