sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
