Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
