What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
