Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
