If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
