Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
