i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
