Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
