i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am naked and annoyed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
