Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
how drunk are you?
Several
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