ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
