We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
