I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
