can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
