my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
