That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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