You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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