I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize