I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
