i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
