He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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