the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
