Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
