oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
