And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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