Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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