So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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