I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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