They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
