Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
