Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
