I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
