You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
