Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
