I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
