Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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