3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
