she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
