And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
