Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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